piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
