So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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