You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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