We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
