She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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