I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
