I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
