We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
