I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Two words: blizzard sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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