you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
