oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
