I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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