This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
