Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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