Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Randomize
