his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
