I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
