So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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