I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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