he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
