her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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