Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
