Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
