Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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