so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
