i used baking grease as lip gloss
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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