you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
