Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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