did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
