Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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