True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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