If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
