I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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