Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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