I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i drank out of a bidet.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
