I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
