if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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