Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
