My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
