The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
