A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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