can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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