When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
