dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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