so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
