Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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