sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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