We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
