Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize