I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
