If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
