Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Terrible idea I love it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize