I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
