Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
