when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
