I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found your dick twin last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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