Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
