eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
