READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
