Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
