there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
be right there i have to get my cape
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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