is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
