Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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