i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We got so high we made milksteak
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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