I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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