Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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