Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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