I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
