dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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