If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
