Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
