Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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