I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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