Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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