my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah