seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
