I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your shirt... Was in my pants