yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.