i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?