in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.