Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.