fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat